365d21a7
she's a PM at a FAANG. 380k TC. im a senior SWE at a mid-stage startup making 220k.
logically i know this is fine. were partners. her money is our money. but something primal in my brain keeps telling me im failing.
we split everything 50/50 which means she saves way more than me. she bought herself a porsche last month. i drive a 2019 civic.
im not asking for advice on the relationship. im asking: how do you deal with the ego hit? any other guys dealt with this?
470fb867
this is entirely a you problem and you know it. your wife is crushing it. be proud of her instead of making her success about your ego
9500e39d
splitting 50/50 when theres a 160k income gap is actually insane. my wife and i split proportionally. whoever makes more pays more of the shared expenses. the rest is personal money. maybe talk about that
6863af1a
i dealt with this for 3 years. my wife was a director making 450k while i was an IC at 280k. therapy helped. seriously. unpacking where the "provider" expectation comes from is important work
ed029631
220k is not failing by any metric on earth. the fact that your brain tells you otherwise is programming from society. deprogram yourself
170c1eaf
the porsche thing would bother me too tbh. not because she bought it but because the visual disparity is a daily reminder. maybe thats shallow but feelings are feelings
c5034555
bro just be happy your household income is 600k. most people would kill for either of your salaries individually. the privilege in this post is unreal
